My week in a Word is a weekly opportunity for me to reflect on what has happened in the past seven days. For those of you who like the idea of writing a journal, I find it an easier way to do this and of course it’s very mindful. I publish this post every Monday.
Do you have that little voice in your head?
Inspiration can hit us at any point. Normally, for me at least, this is either when I’m driving or when I’m asleep. An idea strikes me I get all over excited about it, but by the time I come to write it down or do anything about it the voice of reason comes in and tells me I’d be rubbish at that and I lose all confidence.
Are We Born with Confidence?
Being confident has always been a struggle for me. I have no one to blame for that. It’s not down to a rubbish experience as a child, although some horrible ones as an adult haven’t helped. I have always had great friends and a loving family.
When I was at school (don’t worry, I’m not going to give you a long and drawn out life story, I’ll save that for another day!) my school reports ALWAYS had the phrase “lacks confidence” at least 4 times dotted throughout it. I would be encouraged to speak up more, but I would tell myself it was down to modesty. Looking back I guess I genuinely thought that’s what it was.
As time went on, I think I got used to this mindset. I would just allow my inner voice to tell me I didn’t know what I was doing or saying. I just let everyone else around me carry on taking the lead.
A Change of Heart
Then, as I approached 30, after a particularly crappy work experience, I decided enough was enough. I was and still am more than capable of doing what I want to do (within reason – I’m not planning on flying a plane anytime soon or solving the meaning of life) and why shouldn’t I go after my ambitions and dreams.
Sometimes that little voice creeps back in again, like after I’ve had time to mull an idea over, but I soon tell it to bugger off and let me get on with it. My confidence is not something I am willing to give up anymore. I’m not saying I’m now this uber-confident super woman now, but I’m certainly more confident than I have ever been before.
People say you are a result of your experiences. If that is the case I am a bloody tough bird and why shouldn’t I show a bit of confidence as a result. There is no harm in admitting I am good at something, or in believing in myself. But it does take work and commitment to become confident without being arrogant. I certainly have met people who try to be confident and come off as the most horrible people I have met. And you know really it’s because they are trying to hide some deeply engrained insecurities.
Of course there are still some areas of my life that I am completely not confident in still (I am certainly NOT body confident) but I’m working on it and hopefully with time it’ll come. Confidence is something we all have to work on in my view. Even when we have it, we have to work on keeping it under control so we don’t end up becoming complete knobs!
Confidence in the Future…
I’m sure when I am old and grey I will look back and laugh at musings like this. I envy the older generations who simply couldn’t care less about what others think and have accepted themselves for who they are. But in the meantime I will keep walking the tightrope of confidence until I reach that point.
Here’s hoping I don’t fall off!